The setting for Henry Blofeld's one-man-show was disconcerting: satin curtains, flowers, a golden bedspread, no less. Can an 18-carat toff like Blowers' really have demanded this kitsch?
Of course not: this was the set for Plaza Suite, which was running last week and would be needed an hour after the famous cricket commentator left the lectern he stood behind for 90 minutes. Yet that word kitsch' somehow lingers. Blofeld possesses one of the instantly recognisable voices on radio - the clubbable Etonian waxing lyrical on Test Match Special about buses, pigeons, cakes, "dear old things" and, occasionally, cricket. And behind the microphone, painting pictures in our minds, he should stay. On stage, before a fullish and undoubtedly friendly audience, he tried to be a debonair rascal but turned out more a purveyor of smarmy archness. Yes, there were brief memories of Brian Johnston and John Arlott in the commentary box, a few easy shots at Geoff Boycott, some fun about Delhi-belly and some potentially interesting name-dropping (Fleming, Coward and Her Majesty). But then came the odd f-word, mention of swinging balls and an extended story (true or not, who cared?) about his own antics one night in a hotel clad only in a doily. You could also see some punch lines at a distance of 22 yards.
This is clearly unsound advice to give an iconic figure who can earn thousands from after-dinner speeches: just stick to your cleverer thoughts on cricket, its characters and atmosphere, rather than drag yourself down what you believe to be fruity by-ways for cheap laughs. Use that wonderful voice to muse thus, as you did early on in the show: "The third age of the cricketer is senility - when your captain asks you to bat at No. 10 and you feel it might be a bit high . . . and when he asks to bowl, you take it as a serious and calculated insult!"
It is truly annoying when you want to enjoy something and don't quite. Blofeld looks like an amalgam of Robert Robinson and the late Anton Rogers; with the material he mostly chose, he was as clever and witty as neither.
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