FILTHY streets clogged with buses and boring chain stores. Car parking charges that are higher than London's. Endless coffee and pannini shops.
Crowds of foreign language students and tourists, now regularly joined by animal rights and save this tree and that tree demonstrators.
No wonder, one reader asked after a damning catalogue of Oxford's "attractions", local people are heading in their droves to Reading and Swindon.
But not Oliver O'Dell.
He left the contented traders and shopping malls of Swindon behind to come to Oxford as a man with a mission - to transform Oxford city centre.
For he has a plan, which he believes could make Oxford a safer, cleaner and more vibrant place, after falling far behind rival towns and cities.
But it is a plan that is going to cost Oxford businesses £1m a year. And he has barely 125 days to convince traders, businesses and university colleges that it is going to work.
Mr O'Dell arrived in Oxford to head OX1, the city centre management company. But the big challenge that tempted him here was to lead the bid to turn Oxford into, well, a BID actually.
When you find yourself crushed with your shopping outside Marks & Spencer to make way for the long line of buses on Queen Street, or blink in disbelief at being charged £6 to park your car for a couple of hours in the Westgate, you might not care a jot whether or not Oxford is a Business Improvement District.
But later in the summer more than 800 city centre businesses will be asked to vote on whether Oxford city centre should become a BID, and whether they will be prepared to pay for it.
Persuading city centre businesses to vote for an increase in their business rates might seem a little like asking Oxford colleges and public schools whether they want to retain their charitable status. It is a no-brainer to top all no-brainers.
But that is exactly what Mr O'Dell has set himself the task of doing - getting traders and businesses to pay a 1.5 per cent levy on their rateable value to meet the cost of running a BID.
The money, it seems, would effectively buy them real independence from the shackles of local government, by raising extra money and then giving city centre businesses the lead role in deciding how it is used.
Traders are asked to look ahead to a new golden era of clean streets outside their front doors, where shopping areas are not just cleaned but "deep cleaned". There are plans for a grant scheme to help improve key city areas and even individual shop fronts.
Noisy, untalented buskers would become a thing of the past. Carefully targeted promotions and events, with more made of Oxford's public spaces and cultural attractions, would be the norm. Businesses are also promised their own tough-talking champion who would push for legislation to remove illegal street traders and speak out for them at council meetings.
Shoppers and visitors, too, would see instant benefits, with an eight-strong uniformed team of ambassadors (Mr O'Dell dislikes the label 'warden') on hand to offer advice and give the city centre a new friendly face, just like they have in America.
"A yes vote would make a huge difference to business in the city centre," said Mr O'Dell. "It would make possible a big investment in positive measures to improve the trading environment and boost business.
"Every business in the BID area has had our initial project document and we are out and about on a daily basis meeting owners and managers in the city centre to discuss our plans and the ideas they'd like to be included."
The route to becoming a BID is set out in law and involves a whole series of consultation stages, leading to a postal ballot over four weeks, before the result is announced on July 4.
So far about 60 bids in the UK have gone through since Kingston-on-Thames held the first successful ballot at the end of 2004. Places to have followed in its wake include Reading, Brighton, Blackpool, Coventry, Bedford, Oldham and Paddington. About ten ballots produced 'no' results.
Mr O'Dell was prominent in the successful BID campaign for Swindon. But Oxford, with its complicated mix of commercial business, retailers and colleges, presents a far bigger challenge, with the outcome being carefully awaited across the country, not least in Cambridge.
But, as in every town where the idea has been floated, the complaint is made that traders are being asked to pay twice for services such as cleaning.
Graham Jones, spokesman for the High Street Traders' Association, said: "The view of business in Oxford is that, yes, we want to see a better, more thriving city centre. We have the new Westgate Centre coming but there are a lot of derelict sites in places like George Street."
"Being asked to pay 1.5 per cent on the business rate, may not sound a lot. But it is extra money having to go out. Businesses are already paying business rates for cleaning and for a good business environment. We are not getting it. People are asking 'why do we have to pay again?'.
"The idea of cleaners and wardens may seem good. But then, aren't we paying for the police and environmental officers at the city council?"
Mr Jones, who is also a leading figure in the Rescue Oxford traders' pressure group, said: "A lot will depend on the response of the small independent retailers. It may come down to whether people believe we really need all the things being proposed in the BID package."
Richard Alden, chairman of the Covered Market Traders' Association, said: "The arguments for BID are being heard with scepticism. Although we do not believe the services we are getting meet our aspirations, people find it difficult to see why we should pay for services twice.
"Having said that, we recognise that Business Improvement Districts have been successful in other cities. In Oxford, I think the marketing and promotion that BID could provide holds the key.
"At the moment there does not seem to be the political will to support commerce. It's there for conservation but they want to curtail growth in Oxford. Unless the Covered Market is properly marketed and sees some investment, it is going to end up as honey trap for tourists."
Mr Alden, who manages Haymans Fisheries, said that OX1 could hardly be asking for money at a worse time, with many Covered Market traders facing rent increases ranging between 30 and 200 per cent. Businesses have complained of an economic slowdown, reduction in the number of customers and competition from street markets. The rent issue is now going to arbitration.
Not surprisingly, Covered Market traders will try to negotiate payments of less than the 1.5 per cent charge.
OX1 looks to be facing an even bigger challenge in persuading Oxford's colleges to stump up money.
Mr O'Dell has made presentations to bursars, touching on everything from healing the historic town/gown divide to their long-term financial interests.
"The colleges have played a significant role in the development of the city for hundreds of years and we believe they have a vital role to play now," said Mr O'Dell.
He also points to the fact that as landlords, employers and home to thousands of students, they have a vested interest in the city centre being a safe, clean and commercially-thriving environment.
But his hopes of securing £45,000 from colleges are not exactly being encouraged. Bursars are more than happy to listen but seem to believe it should be their tenants who should be signing the cheques.
Oriel bursar Wilf Stephenson, the colleges's representative on the OX1 board, told The Oxford Times that each college would make its own mind up.
"The proposals will be looked at carefully in the light of the overall benefits to the colleges and the community. Whatever the position of the colleges, we will be significant contributors through our tenants."
On average, the cost of BID to Covered Market traders is put at about £200 a year. High Street shop traders would be asked to put in about £700, while for the big department stores it would run into thousands. The big chains seem to have moved away from nationwide policies, with most now prepared to look at each BID proposal in isolation.
To win, OX1 needs a double majority - that is a majority of businesses must vote in favour and those in favour must account for more than 50 per cent of the total rateable value of businesses in the area.
OX1 has wasted no time in trying to serve up a few tasters of what could lie ahead.
An angel, stilt walkers and a town crier will be involved in an 'Every Day is Independents Day in Oxford' initiative, with prize draws, to promote the city's smaller, independent stores.
Last month, a deep cleaning operation took place to remove grime and chewing gum from Queen Street and George Street.
Most shoppers in Queen Street are surely too busy concentrating on not ending up under a bus to worry overmuch about gum.
As for businesses, whether deep clean will lead them to dig deep remains to be seen on July 4, Oxford's very own independence day.
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