A MAN accused of trying to strangle his partner to death said he felt like 'an absolute monster' after the attack.
Helicopter pilot Timothy Barry is currently on trial at Oxford Crown Court charged with attempted murder.
Prosecutors claim that the RAF flight lieutenant attempted to kill his partner by strangulation in the early hours of January 14, 2018, at the cottage they shared in Cuxham.
As the trial continued today the 31-year-old of Mill View, Cuxham, gave his version of events from the witness box.
He said the pair had drunk bottles of champagne before going out for a meal and then to a bar to celebrate her return from a tour abroad.
READ MORE: Would-be killer said strangulation was like 'out-of-body' experience, court hears.
They ended the night with an argument, he said, and when they returned home Barry tried to reconcile with her.
He told jurors he was 'really, really drunk' and described his mental state as being 'at my emotional capacity'.
Detailing the alleged attack that followed he said he pushed the woman on to a bed but could not recall how his hands came to her neck.
He said he didn't make any decision to put his hands on her neck and he stopped when he felt her 'swallowing.'
Asked about the aftermath he said: "I felt like my life was over. That I had ruined everything, that I was a monster."
He said he then rang 999 and told jurors he was 'incredibly concerned about what had happened'.
Barry told the jury : "I love her and nothing has ever changed, I always have.
"I felt an absolute monster for what had happened, I wanted her first and foremost to get as much help as possible."
He described feeling 'incredibly panicked' and said he then decided to kill himself. Barry said he retrieved a kitchen knife before going into a bathroom and cutting his forearms with a razor.
READ AGAIN: The opening of the trial earlier this week.
When officers arrived at the scene he was spotted with blood on his arms and he was treated at the John Radcliffe Hospital.
Jurors also heard of his career with the Royal Air Force and his love of flying, something he told jurors he had wanted to do since he was a child.
He said he had served in tours in Afghanistan and he had got together with his partner and alleged victim sometime after a tour in Kabul in 2016.
It was also revealed that the alleged victim of the strangulation did not support the prosecution's case and Barry said that the pair were still in a relationship together.
He said: "We want to move forward. Ideally we would be able to carry on and live a life together."
During cross examination it was put to Barry that he had 'lost his temper' and had been in a 'rage' before he strangled the woman.
He denied the assertion and said: "There was absolutely no feelings of rage or anger at how I was.
"The over-riding intention was I didn't want her to leave, I wanted her to stay."
The trial continues.
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