Sorry to anyone who thought this was serious

In the interest of calm (and future employability), I begin this week’s column with a promise. In what follows I will reveal no information about university or college life — be it positive or negative — of any significance whatsoever.

To the regular readers who do not see this as a break from past precedent, I salute you.

For those upset, and still upset, by past columns, please know that I am terribly sorry.

I saw The Oxford Times columnist Christopher Gray on the bus recently and he would not even make eye contact.

Perhaps I have pushed it a bit far. You see, Quad Talk is not supposed to be too serious or taken too seriously.

It is not my place to discuss traffic flows and green belts, nor the ongoing row over the Castle Mill flats (for the latter, see the letters pages).

As the emeritus crowd tell me, this space has always been a sanitised peek into the academic milieu — one that eschews town-gown tabloid fodder.

And no exclusive drinking societies here, sorry.

Instead, I am here to enliven your coffee break with highlights from committee meetings and assorted Bodleian Library rummagings.

Too bad that SOLO, the online library catalogue, provides little in the way of salacious copy.

Maybe my search terms are the problem. I notice that English dons enjoy more eventful lives in the stacks (see Quad Talks passim).

They always discover something down there. Auden’s lost notebook. Flaubert’s left boot buckle.

And apparently it is considered acceptable to share New College’s juicy gossip from the 16th century.

As for stuff nowadays, I can say almost nothing.

When does tweeted tittle-tattle turn into legitimate archive material?

Never mind. As a wannabe academic it is best that I stay below the parapet.

Get a job and save the grumbling for later, even if tenure is on the outs in the same way as decently paid careers in journalism.

But what about issues like university fees, wage structure and grade inflation?

No opinion.

At least the student press is still a regular purveyor of controversial quad talk, even if it is sometimes guilty of breathtaking inaccuracy or pure fiction.

No need to tap any telephones around here.

Still, it is better than slick press releases. And you may find it interesting that some colleges have strict rules about publishing: any mention of your college and it must first get approval from a dean.

I won’t share my opinion on that either.

Given the state of affairs, then, my new plan is to pass along only quad talk already ‘overheard’ in the public domain.

Do not turn to page 30-odd for breaking news.

Despite my misgivings about Google and Huffington Post, I’m finally becoming a news aggregator.

If this fails, I can always tell you about my research. In March, for instance, I will be giving a paper at a conference taking place in Dublin on the subject of Politics and Experiences of Time.

Bet you cannot wait to hear all about that.