Jeremy Smith joins the Jet Set in the jewel of Switzerland's cash crown - St Moritz

 

Remember the tag line for Stella Artois? ‘Reassuringly expensive’.

Well the same could be said of St Moritz.

Like Gstaad, Klosters, Val d’Isere, Chamonix and Courchevel, St Moritz is just one of those names you immediately associate with... money. Lots of it.

Which is highly appropriate since the town is favoured by those who like to flash their cash and new wives among the pricey boutiques of Via Sufretta, one of the world’s most expensive retail streets.

But then that’s what makes it so appealing to the rest of us.

Wannabe Russian oligarchs mixing it up with beanpole wives 30 years their junior; spoilt little four-year-olds in £2,000 ski suits; dogs sporting jewel-encrusted coats and bespoke booties; and hotel concierges wearing more gold and braid than the First Sea Lord. It’s a riot.

Throw into this heady cocktail the kind of ski bunnies who once populated the pages of 1960s Playboys quaffing champagne atop mountain peaks with their obligatory ski instructor boyfriends, and you could be forgiven for thinking you’ve walked on to a film set (except in this instance, no one shouts ‘Cut!’).

And thank god, because as a holiday destination for those without money, it’s the ultimate British safari park — it’s cold, full of wild and exotic animals and overrun with bobsleigh teams every bit as rude as Longleat’s famous baboons.

So I felt right at home.

Of course, I was also lucky enough to be a guest at one of the ski resort’s most prestigious hotels — the Kempinski Grand Hotel des Bains.

My room alone cost £2,000 a night and while shocking, I must say the hand soap was excellent.

Plus it formed the perfect base from which to gape and gawp at how the other half lives. Which is why I can say, with some authority, that I like St Moritz.

It’s crazy of course, and Versace, Dior, and Chanel are so commonplace as to be ‘municipal’. But everyone bar the bobsleighers is friendly, and it is exquisitely chic.

Watch the James Bond outing On Her Majesty’s Secret Service before you visit and you’ll acclimatise that much quicker.

And do what I did and go against the trend — don’t be jet set when you can be train set. Letting the train take the strain around Switzerland is surely the most enjoyable way to enjoy its winter wonderland. And naturally, this being Switzerland, everything runs on time.

The liveries are smart, spacious and comfortable and, having organised my holiday through RailBookers, bespoke. Which means what could have been a complicated schedule was all sorted for me. All I had to do was trust in Eurostar and TGV Lyria.

And certainly the biggest treat of my four-day visit was a trip aboard the Glacier Express. Beautifully monikered, beautifully realised and beautifully pricey, this is one of those Great Train Journeys that TV specials are built around.

Not posh exactly, but think Orient Express with bigger windows and smaller ego.

Boarding at Visp, the journey which includes lunch took more than seven hours, but if you’re going to visit St Moritz, this’ll beat even the thick-wadded Russians.

A word of warning however: if the sun is shining and the snow is ‘crisp and deep and even’, pack sun block and shades because you’ll find no escape from the glare (I packed neither and subsequently alighted on to St Mortiz’s platform blind and boiled).

But while I could still see, a panorama of chocolate box proportions slid effortlessly past, from Christmas-perfect villages to towering peaks baked and sculpted by Maison Blanc, Woodstock Road.

Yet after such a visual overload, St Moritz offers little by way of respite. Like a snow-covered version of Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, it’s a fluffy and sugar sweet confection of almost picture-book saccharine.

The houses look beautiful, the people are beautiful, the cars are silent and sleek. And every shop window reminds you of the mantra: ‘Don’t convert, it’ll hurt...’ In fact, to me, it felt like Disneyland with implants and Botox and Simon Cowells. Naturally, everyone says they go to St Moritz for the skiing, but it’s the apres-piste sports that really determine the true ‘athletes’.

And for my money, the trophy for Most Attractive Ski Couple... Ever! seemed clinched by two skiers and other lunchtime diners became hypnotised by atop Muottas Muragl, a summit overlooking St Moritz that is accessible by funicular railway.

There, at the Romantik hotel – one of the most stunning hotel destinations I have ever visited – they sat in matching ski suits, bronzing perfectly, laughing gaily, sipping from crystal champagne flutes while the rest of us burned, slurped and adjusted our rented salopettes.

It was all unreal, and so gloriously so I half expected to see Brad and Angelina join them. But the glamour overkill didn’t stop there — at night, on the surrounding peaks, they light beacons which, when viewed from the town, flicker like fireflies.

I’m not sure I’d want to stay any longer than a few days (and I’m not sure that if I was paying I could afford any longer than a few hours...), but I do think everyone should, just once in their lives, ‘do’ St Moritz, together with the Grand Canyon, New York, Victoria Falls and Saigon.

Like all the greatest destinations, its name alone acts like a magnet. And I’m delighted to say, the attraction is mutual.

ESSENTIAL FACTS

Jeremy Smith travelled courtesy of Railbookers Ltd.


Railbookers offers an exclusive Oxford Mail two-night holiday to Interlaken and St Moritz from £789 per person including train travel from Oxford, overnight accommodation with breakfast at the 4* Krebs Interlaken and the 5* Kempinski, a journey between the two on the Glacier Express and return British Airways flights from Zurich with connection to Oxford.


For more details, call 020 3327 2438 or visit www.railbookers.com
Glacier Express — www.glacierexpress.ch
Kempinski — www.kempinski.com and
Romantik Hotel — www.muottasmuragl.ch
For St Moritz, visit www.engadin.stmoritz.ch