California dreamin'

After all, that huge, iconic sign represents all the glitz, glamour, celebrity and endless amounts of bling that – sadly – I find myself drooling over daily in all the latest glossies.

I had eight days ahead of me in this extraordinary city, which anyone who is anyone calls home.

Maybe I’d bump into Lindsay Lohan in the Manicure Shop, or see Britney in Starbucks?

Or maybe they’d see me…Whatever, this was my California dream, and I was prepared to live it, 24/7.

Now the first thing you need to know about Los Angeles is that a car is as essential as...well…Botox. Plus, it’s a good idea to pack a Sat Nav, as LA is huge and it’s easy to get lost.

Our first stop after landing was The Standard Hotel in West Hollywood which, by the way, is anything but standard.

This is a funky, young, hip, trendy hotel situated right at the end of Sunset Strip, though trust me, the first thing you’ll notice upon entering its lobby is a scantily clad young woman laying out in a glass tank behind the concierge desk.

No joke, there was a different girl there every day, looking as equally bored as yesterday’s model and usually passing the time on her laptop or Blackberry.

Pretty random I know, but this is Hollywood and I guess anything goes. But don’t let that put you off (or turn you on); the Standard is a great place to stay and a lot more affordable than most of the hotels along this notoriously expensive street (£100 for the night while most others are charging £250 upwards).

However, my favourite hotel was without doubt The Grafton on Sunset.

Decorated in a modern style, the rooms were cool and luxurious, draped in animal prints with risqué art spread across its walls.

The restaurant offers awesome (see, already I’m ‘Americanised’) views of Los Angeles and the most amazing pool, surrounded by beautiful people topping up beautiful tans.

Take it from me, the infamous Sunset Strip is Party Central.

Home to some of the most famous clubs and venues in the world, the Viper Rooms, Whisky-A-Go-Go, and the House of Blues are just some of the hotspots that have famously attracted the biggest rock stars on the planet.

Yet all the hotels (and there are a lot of them) feature uber classy bars, crammed nightly with the latest ‘it’ crowd of wanna-be actors and models.

As you might expect, the city’s restaurants are something else, nearly all co-owned by famous chefs and celebrities, with the food nothing short of sensational (and, in case you were wondering, not even in the same cosmos as that Planet Hollywood chain).

The weather means that seating is mainly outside, often on the street, where you can sit while watching the Ferrari’s, supermodels and billionaires slide by.

The women look as though the man at Tiffany’s has sprayed them with superglue and thrown a bucket of diamonds over them (as indeed do their pooches which are also essential fashion accessories).

The men on the other hand... well, they’re about 80 years older and look like Last of The Summer Wine gone ‘porno’.

But whatever you do, apart from laugh, be sure to check out Cafe Med and Ashton Kutcher’s (the husband of much-older Demi Moore) Ketchup Restaurant.

It goes without saying of course that when in Hollywood, Beverly Hills is a must see, with Rodeo Drive being possibly one of the most exclusive shopping streets in the world.

From Versace to Louis Vuitton, this street is lined with the world’s biggest designer names and flashing the cash in them are some of the world’s biggest designer snobs; the Beverly Hills Babes have got some serious plastic going on – and I’m not just talking about their credit cards.

In fact, as I tried to explain to the very attentive shop assistant in Juicy Couture that another handbag really wasn’t what I needed, he assured me, in soothing, silky tones: “Honey, nobody needs anything in here.”

However, if your budget isn’t quite as stretchy as those Gucci Harem Pants in navy, then the streets running parallel to Rodeo Drive offer some more moderately priced ensembles.

Just be sure you grab a coffee in The Beverly Wilshire Hotel, you know, where Richard Gere persuaded Julia Roberts to stay with him for the “bargain price of $3,000” (what a deal!) in Pretty Woman.

You’d also no doubt want to see Avenue of the Stars and The Kodak Theatre (home of the Oscars) and the hand-and-footprints of Hollywood’s greatest (see me with Britney on the left).

And if you’ve got the time, jump on the Movie Stars Homes Tour. I went to Lady GaGa’s, Elton John’s, Simon Cowell’s and the Beckhams (well you do, don’t you?). Unfortunately there was no sign of Victoria. Disappointing, as I’m sure we could have been BFF’s (er...Best Friends Forever, dahling) and discussed football and fashion over lunch at The Ivy while the Beckham kids were at school.

Incidentally, the Ivy is located on Robertson Avenue and has appeared in many movies, not least The Bodyguard starring Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston. A great restaurant but a little on the pricey side.

Talking of price, Hollywood could never be described as a budget holiday. Although it is possible to get a decent hotel for £100 a night, this won’t include parking, which is always valet and normally costs 30 bucks a night.

Restaurants never include tax on the menu prices and a minimum tip of 20 per cent is expected, so don’t bank on the exchange rate making things more affordable…. It won’t.