Camping in London

Now that awful moment when the hat goes around and 90 per cent of the onlookers disappear in a cringe-making exhibition of miserliness was upon us.

But Andy, in a rather charming way, was appealing to the crowd’s powers of reasoning. “Have you enjoyed yourselves?” he asked. “Yes, yes, yes!” came the overwhelming reply. “Well, if you’d gone to the West End to see a show that would’ve been about £100. I’m only asking for a fiver, or maybe a quid…or even a handshake to show your appreciation.”

He certainly had lots of handshakes, but his show was definitely worth much more. It proves my point – and Andy’s too – that London is certainly the place to see fabulous cutting edge entertainment, all for the price of a cup of coffee.

On the Embankment, beside the London Eye, we passed one after another of superb musicians, living ‘statues’, fire eaters, magicians and escape artists.

Our daughters, Elena, 19, and Sophie, eight, were delighted. We were too, because though we had come to London expecting to shell out a fair bit on the usual tourist attractions, mostly for their benefit, we also had to keep a budget in mind.

That’s why we were camping at the Caravan Club’s Crystal Palace site south of the river. Tents are allowed and you don’t have to be members, though you do pay a supplement if you aren’t.

I still don’t know whether the incredulous looks on my friends’ faces when I told them that we were going to be camping in the capital was because they were surprised that there were year-round facilities to do so or that they thought I was either utterly daft, tight-fisted, or both.

In fact, the campsite was full; even in a cold and rather damp late October. Most campers were British families showing their children around. At other times the site fills up with mainly Dutch and Belgian visitors, trying to ‘do’ London on the cheap.

You can’t blame them. The site is spotlessly clean and quiet, though a little cramped, and with the ‘luxury’ of heated shower blocks. There are plenty of modest eateries and shops just up the road and it’s right on the edge of a beautiful park. Best of all, the frequent No. 3 bus service stops a few minutes’ away and takes you right to Piccadilly. All our journeys were great value; under-11s are free and an adult day pass for the bus and Tube was just over a fiver.

We’d come here mostly because Sophie had been nagging us to take her to see the ‘dinosaurs’ at the Natural History Museum. Husband Robin, meanwhile, wanted to relive his childhood at the Science Museum.

All the major museums are free, though this did mean there were crowds, especially to see the immense dinosaur skeletons and reconstructions at the Natural History Museum.

Taking the scenic route back to our bus stop, we passed Buckingham Palace. It may not be the most ornate and prettiest of palaces, but it is awesome in its grandeur. And, of course, every small child, Sophie included, likes to think she might see the Queen; rather, that the Queen might see her waving furiously.

One thing that really surprised me was just how clean London’s streets were, despite the lack of rubbish bins, presumably because of security.

At London Zoo, we wish we’d arrived much earlier because the gates shut at 4.30pm off season and there was just so much we didn’t get to see.

My tip is to follow the green trail around the zoo so that you don’t miss a thing; arrive early and be prepared to stay all day.

Elena and I agreed that our day at the zoo was the highlight of our trip. Robin, however, is now a great fan of the London Eye. I’d been told beforehand not to be put off by the long queues as they moved swiftly. This was indeed true and we soon found ourselves 135 metres up with only glass between us and the Thames.

Reassuringly, security and safety on the Eye is extremely tight and we were also glad we had picked a clear day for our ride. Though we couldn’t see as far as Windsor Castle, as some visitors claim, we could make out the phone mast by our campsite.

After lunch on the Embankment, serenaded by the buskers, we headed for Marylebone Road and Madame Tussaud’s.

The fun here was in the unexpected. A young Japanese woman was poised to click her camera at ‘Brad Pitt’ and ‘Angelina Jolie’, so we, and lots of other visitors, moved politely out of her way. Ten minutes later she was still there. Time for a double-take.

I also had to shake my head in surprise when an unnervingly lifelike Jean Paul Gaultier and Jamie Oliver leant over a rail, perusing the crowds. Other figures made us exclaim “They look nothing like them” (Elvis Presley), yet others made us wonder if they really are that tiny in real life (Jennifer Aniston) or, indeed, that large (Boris Becker, Samuel L Jackson). But the best bit came deep within the Chamber of Horrors. In fact, I didn’t get to see it all as Elena got so scared we had to ask to be let out. No wonder; actors take on the roles of unhinged inmates of a maximum-security prison who have been let loose. We were warned before we went in not to touch them and that they wouldn’t touch us.

Believe me, it doesn’t stop them coming within millimetres of your face. I didn’t endear myself to the ‘inmates’ by shouting ‘boo’ as one deranged figure leapt out of the darkness at us. It did leave us shaking with relief – and laughter – though, as we were rather sheepishly ushered out by one of the creatures running ahead of us shouting “no scares, please”.

We all found London draining, but we did perk ourselves up a bit with some lovely walks through the leafy parks of St James’ and Regent’s. But by no stretch of the imagination could a break in the capital ever be described as relaxing. It was really rather nice to ‘escape’ each night on the No. 3 bus back to our little home from home.

The only drawback – and it was a big one – was in getting to London and home again. It took us two-and-a-half hours just to get across the city, whilst avoiding the charging zones.

Was it worth it? Well, once we’d calmed down and finished arguing about our journey, I’d say it was.

You might be wiser to take my advice if you choose to go. That is, pack some lightweight camping gear in a rucksack – and get on the train.