Where am I? I’m surrounded by beautiful blue mountains, crystal lakes and whitewashed houses.

The sun is scorching the terrace on which I’m sipping a continental beer and contemplating the view. There are vibrant flowers in pots, a trickling fountain, and a dashing young man in a suit tending to my every need.

Perhaps I’m relaxing in some Tuscan hill top town? Or a villa in the South of France?

Nope. I’ve checked into The Linthwaite House Hotel, overlooking Windermere, in our very own Lake District, though actually, I feel like I’m in the Med.

A good friend once told me that the Lake District on a sunny day is the best place in the world. I’m inclined to agree. However, there is also a local saying round these parts that goes like this: ‘If you can’t see the hills, it’s because it’s raining. If you can see the hills, then it’s about to rain’.

The glorious scenery, if not the consistent weather, draws a million tourists a year to this lovely part of the UK.

From the literary, to the outdoorsy, from the pamper puss to the foodie there’s plenty on offer here to suit every short break taste.

I kicked off my long weekend by climbing the highest peak in the Lakes, Scafell Pike, 3,210 ft, and not for the faint hearted.

I finished off with a ‘walkers leg massage’ and full body rub at Oxleys Health Spa in Ambleside to ease my aching bones.

One look at the misty peak of Scafell had my heart a-quivering with preemptive vertigo. There are hundreds of walking routes throughout the Lakes for all levels of ability, from the most strenuous of technical climbs, to the gentlest stroll through undulating lowlands.

If all that activity puts you off, you must remember there is no decree that declares that the Lakes MUST BE for walking.

If you don’t fancy the exertion and can’t manage to haul yourself up a hill, then there are plenty of tea and scone establishments that can help you pass the time here.

One such delightful place is the Apple Pie Café and Bakery in Ambleside, which is just about as cute as cafes come.

It’s family run and has been in the baking business for 25 years. Oh they’re serious about their pastries here and you’ll find delicious, no nonsense sandwiches and cakes to fuel your hike….back to the car. In the last few fading weeks of summer, the only thing missing really is a sparklingly warm sea within flip-flop distance.

If you’re brave enough, the cool, deep waters of the lakes here can satiate your desire for a plunge (I wasn’t and only managed to wade in up to my ankles in Coniston Water).

‘Coniston’, as it’s known locally, is popular with families because of the small pebbly beach, regular Victorian steam yacht trips across the lake, ice cream facilities and kayak and canoe rental on the shore.

In Coniston itself, 10 minutes' walk from the water, you can enjoy a glass of the local tipple, Bluebird Bitter ‘Supreme Champion Beer of Britain 1998’ (a bit of a mouthful) brewed at the Black Bull Inn in the centre of the village.

The beer is named in homage to Donald Campbell’s boat, Bluebird K7, in which he died in 1967 while attempting the world water speed record on the lake. The place is lively by Lake District standards, but mainly forms the base point for walkers brave enough to tackle the ‘Old Man’.

Not the local harmless tramp, but the looming mountain whose shadow falls over the village (The Old Man is 2,635ft high).

Douglas Adams invented a wonderful word to describe the marvelous sense of smugness one feels at the top of a mountain: ‘luftness’. Having climbed a beast like The Old Man (whinging most of the way up which quite frankly is an integral part of physical exertion), your sense of ‘luftness’ may not leave you for the rest of the trip. Long before Harry Potter, there was Beatrix Potter who entertained children with her own version of a fantasy world. The 2006 movie about her life has Renee Zellweger appropriately donned in hat and corset skipping about the Lake District.

The real house in which the real Beatrix spent the remaining years of her life is not the beautiful old mansion in the movie but ‘Hill Top’, in Near Sawrey, near Windermere.

The house now belongs to the National Trust and has been lovingly looked after so that it ‘appears as if Beatrix has just stepped out for a walk’.

Hill Top makes for an interesting afternoon trip if you loved her stories as a child. The cottage and surrounding village is picture postcard perfect. Just around the corner from her house is a back-to-basics pub, The Tower Bank Arms, that serves delicious, no-nonsense, home-cooked food. (Otherwise known as ‘reet gud pub grub’. ) The popularity of high quality gastropubs like The Queen’s Head at Troutbeck, and The Strickland Arms at Penrith, are putting the Lake District on the culinary UK map.

The Linthwaite House Hotel is leading the way with a brand new viewing kitchen under construction and boasts talented chef Paul Peters, who hopes to gain the restaurant a Michelin star soon. If successful, The Linthwaite House Hotel will join Holbeck Ghyll and Gilpin Lodge, other places in the area with such accolades.

There is certainly no shortage of amazing food here, but while fine dining is all well and good, when the purse strings feel the pinch and you’ve had your fill of posh nosh, you can always nip down to the lakeside instead and grab a bag of delicious fish and chips — best eaten with fingers while piping hot and smothered in vinegar, preferably from under the awning of the nearest shop huddling with other bedraggled passers-by.

It is a truth you must accept on a trip to the Lake District.

It will pour down at some point.

And it will almost certainly be when you’re about to nip out for fish and chips ...