Spice girl

Knocking back a cold pint of Cobra, the feisty photographer explains how Indian restaurants have taken a direct hit since the pub opening hours were relaxed.

Sure, people still want takeaways, she argues, but the old tradition of a post-closing-time vindaloo have taken a tumble since bars were allowed to open into the early hours. “And, after all, who wants to stay open until 1 or 2am on the off-chance that some lairy lads will come in for a bhuna and a bhaji,” she goes on. “No, if they’re going to survive, they’ve got to go for an early evening crowd.”

And she’s right. She always is.

Holly, our honorary curry sister, knows a LOT about Asian cooking. And, it has to be said, we’re just a little bit scared of her.

Anyway, that explains why we’re squeezed into a cosy corner in Chutneys, one of this city’s most venerable Indian eateries. And, it’s packed. This is not closing time, though; it’s 8pm, a time when most of its competitors are deserted.

Interesting. And it was even busier earlier. So busy, in fact, that we were forced to take refuge in the nearby Three Goats Heads until they could fit us in.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Looking around Chutneys, the place is full not of raucous parties mainlining Kingfisher, but families with kids, tweedy academics, and touchy-feely couples. It looks, and feels, more like a European cafe-bar than an Indian.

So how does it manage to pack them in? “Because we’ve got a good reputation,” says Akhbar – a truly lovely guy with a winning smile, and the friendliest member of an otherwise saturnine staff.

“We are one of the only restaurants in Oxford serving authentic vegetarian South Indian food. And it’s healthy.”

As usual, we put our faith in the restaurant, and left it to Akhbar and his friends in the kitchen to do us proud. And so they did.

It may have started life as a veggie haven – and still offers a complete menu for those whose bodies remain a temple. But it also has a lengthy omnivore’s menu, with some surprise gems among the usual suspects.

After the usual poppadoms came one of the tastiest range of starters we’ve tried in Oxford. The best? Crunchy onion pakoras, lovely yielding panir pakora (fried marinated cheese cubes) and squishy lip-smacking, though lethally filling, chicken dosa – rice flour pancakes filled with spicy potato and chicken tikka, and accompanied by tangy tamarind-laced sambar sauce.

And, because we’d heard so much about them, we ordered a cheeky plate of paani poori. A true speciality, these consist of a puffed up fried poori (puri) stuffed with chickpeas and onion. It sounds weird, even bland, but it is neither.

Roping in some help, Akhbar laid out an array of Chutneys’ specialities, with the emphasis still on South India.

All this brought a glimmer to Ed’s eye, as, unbeknownst to our hosts, he had just that week flown in from Goa, where he had spent a week acquainting himself with the finer points of the aromatic cuisine (and sanitation) of Southern India. An expert, he cast a gimlet eye over the array of platters with the nonchalant air of a man in his element.

An overly-dry tandoori “shezani” mixed grill-style platter of chicken and lamb tikka, tandoori chicken and sheek kebab was balanced by a scorching jingha mirch bhuna – with beautifully-presented butterflied-king prawns in a green chilli-laced sauce and a good old Brummy-style chicken balti.

But what really took our collective fancy was the sidedishes: addictive ‘chana baigan’ chickpea curry, cheese and spinach ‘sag panir’ – all mopped up with keema and garlic nan and egg rice.

Finishing off, we looked around and found the place empty. Not just quiet – but deserted, and no sign of service at all. It was only 11pm. We even stacked the plates ourselves. Embarrassed we pulled on our coats and hurried off, just in time to see a raucous party of sports reporters rolling up after a night out.

They had a booking and were in for a long one. So it wasn’t closing after all.

“See,” pointed Holly. “A few years ago it would only just be getting busy. Now the only late night trade comes from a handful of well-oiled Aunt Sally fans!”

She had a point.