The death of popular soap character Hayley Cropper has pushed Humanist funerals into the spotlight. Jaine Blackman talks to celebrant Pat Winslow

Here’s my motto: Carpe diem. Seize the day! But don’t just seize it – make it count,” says poet and former actress Pat Winslow.

A commendably upbeat attitude made all the more remarkable by the fact that Pat, 59, of Hailey, near Witney, has conducted 75 funerals in the past few years as a Humanist celebrant – a sort-of atheist vicar.

The storyline of character Hayley Cropper’s death on Coronation Street has put Humanist funerals in the spotlight.

“I’m very pleased about that. It’s about time they showed something like that, considering how many people have them, says Pat.

She decided to become a celebrant after one “brutal” religious funeral that left her upset and angry and a subsequent Humanist one which was a much more positive affair.

“The brutal funeral was for a friend and colleague of mine. He was one of the first people to die of AIDS in this country, so it was quite a long time ago,” she says.

“The vicar kept going on about ‘the sinner’ and there was absolutely no mention made of his achievements or his talents.

“The church was packed. He’d been immensely popular. He really had been deeply loved and admired by many people. His mother was distraught, of course.

“The vicar offered no comfort to any of us, least of all to her. I remember feeling quite damaged by it at the time and very, very angry.”

On the other hand, the Humanist funeral for another friend “was an altogether positive and uplifting experience and so many of us came away with the feeling that we’d somehow been nourished”.

After attending more Humanist ceremonies and speaking at her sister’s funeral, Pat decided to embark on the rigorous training course run by the British Humanist Association.

“Payback, I suppose you’d call it. I wanted to give back.

“I’ve been an atheist since I was 14. I’m not looking for a reward in my afterlife. The one life I have, here and now, is what I’ve got to work with and I care about getting it right,” says Pat.

“I don’t, of course, because I’m only a human being, but that doesn’t stop me trying!”

She says the standards on the course are very high.

“There are plenty of practical tasks and you’re teamed with a mentor. My mentor, Jacqui Dickinson, has been working as a celebrant in Oxfordshire for many years.

“She was enormously helpful. There’s a whole team of us in this county. If one of us can’t do a naming or a funeral or a wedding, someone else will be able to help out.

“I’ve been doing funerals since 2011. I’ve done 75 so far and each one is different. Each one is tailor-made. I’ve conducted ceremonies in crematoria, cemeteries, hotels, pubs and people’s back gardens.

“Recently I conducted a memorial on a narrow boat – a delightful and unforgettable morning. It was both poignant and life-affirming.

“What’s rewarding is the people I meet. There’s no such thing as a boring person. Every life is important. Each funeral contains a life story. If I felt nourished when I attended my first Humanist funeral, I feel even more nourished now.”

Pat, who charges £190 to conduct a funeral which includes a family visit, has also completed her training for baby namings and weddings.

“There’s a Humanist ceremony for every important landmark in a person’s life and if there isn’t, then we can invent one!” she says.

A challenging aspect of celebrancy is dealing with the unexpected and having to think on your feet and Pat thinks her background helps with that.

“I was an actor for 12 years and then turned to writing. I’ve had seven poetry collections published,” she says.

“I also run writing workshops and I was a writer in residence in a prison for nearly seven years recently.”

She clearly loves her current role helping guide people through some of their happiest and saddest moments.

“Really sharp grief has an impact. There are times when I have a bit of a cry on my way home,” she says.

“But it’s good to feel connected with humanity. I wouldn’t be doing my job properly if I didn’t feel moved.”

She thinks people should think about their funeral and plan ahead.

And should she outlive them, she will be doing the funerals of her friends.

“It’s a last act of generosity and kindness,” she says. “Like the woman who used to do the laying out in the old days. I’ve always thought how sad it is we’ve lost that closeness with death.

“Every street had a woman who did the laying out – the washing, the combing of hair. It’s quite a tender, caring thing to do. Human beings deserve that.”

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What's different about a Humanist funeral?

Humanists are non-religious people who seek to live ethical lives on the basis of reason and humanity.

Celebrant Pat Winslow writes: “The most obvious difference is that it’s non-religious. There are no hymns or prayers.

“The people who most often ask for us are non-religious themselves.

“Some people identify as atheists – as Humanists do – and some say they’re agnostic. There’s a substantial proportion of people who don’t even think about religion at all. It’s just not a part of their lives.

“Quite often we will include a period of reflection for personal thought and private prayer, though. There are always going to be people attending who have a faith-based belief and it would be disrespectful not to acknowledge that.

“The second difference is that there is no set format – what some people may refer to as the flat-pack funeral where you just follow the accepted script and insert the name of the person who died. Where we do lose out perhaps is that we don’t have any rollicking good songs, so if anyone out there would like to start up a Humanist choir, I’d be very interested.

“Singing is such a great way of bringing people together. Having said that, people are very inventive. I’ve seen a musical tribute on the euphonium and several people have brought guitars in to play. “I believe in the power of the collective voice to bring people close. I like to ask people to join in with the words of committal. Once or twice children have danced, and that’s been delightful and very moving. There are no rules! People should be able to celebrate and commemorate in the way that feels right for them.”

To contact Pat email thepatwinslow@gmail.com, call07857 273695 or go to humanist.org.uk/patwinslow/